GOP Solution Line

April 21, 2009

The GOP has established a “Solution Line” for citizens to help prove that they are not the “Party of No Solutions”. This “solution line” ought to make for interesting, if not bizarre, reading. If you feel bored, why not try to put yourself in the shoes of the Republican faithful and send a few questions:

Dear GOP Solution Line:
I am soooo afraid. Is Obama going to put me in one of his new concentration camps? Is Obama going to set me on fire like on the Glenn Beck Show? Is he going to take all my guns and make me a homosexual socialist? The aluminum foil hat I bought at the Convention last fall to stop these thoughts is not working anymore. What should I do?
Scared in Alabama

Dear Scared in Alabama:
We are proposing lowering taxes on the rich as a solution to all your fears.

Dear GOP Solution Line:
I am soooo afraid. I am afraid of paying lower taxes while the rich have to pay more. I thought about becoming a tea-bagger but I got lost and I asked this big black guy from California at the Food Mart (at least I think he was from California because he had a “San Quentin” tattoo) if he could direct me to a tea bag party. He kicked my ass. What should I do?
Black and Blue in a Red State

Dear Black and Blue in a Red State:
We are proposing lowering taxes on the rich as a solution.

Dear GOP Solution Line:
I am soooo afraid. For years I have been a Minute Man guardin’ our border, makin’ sure that Mexicans don’t get across to steal any jobs from Americans. It was a good gig for awhile – I got to fire my guns off every once in a while and confiscate some really primo weed. Lately though, I noticed that most of the traffic is going INTO Mexico – and I’m not just talkin’ bout automatic assault rifles either. I caught my cousin Billie Rae sneaking across and last week sayin’ he was lookin’ for a job and our GOP Congressman moved his office to the “Glory Hole” Truck Stop just on the border. What the Sam Hill is goin’ on?
On Guard in Arizona

Dear On Guard in Arizona:
We are proposing lowering taxes on the rich as a solution.

3 Comments | Current Events, Politics | Permalink
Posted by Geoffrey Fieger